>50 de statusuri amuzante pentru Facebook (english)



  • if only life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP ►► FF
  • scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today’s status.
  • Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn’t surprising really, since it isn’t my birthday.
  • ”The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source.” – George Washington
  • is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll… brace yourself..
  • ♬ ♫ ♪ ılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılı ♪ ♫ ♬
  • is going to jail, directly to jail. She is not passing go. She is not collecting $200.
  • Note to vegetarians: My food poops on your food. Enjoy that salad!
  • Just realized the tooth fairy teaches us to sell our body parts for money!
  • Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
  • I just read last year 4,153,237 ppl got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?
  • Don’t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn’t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.

  • 43% of all statistics are made up on the spot. Hell, 72% of people know that!
  • Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
  • status under construction ██████████████] 99%
  • Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday.
  • Dear Pringles, Now that I am no longer a child, I can no longer fit my hand inside your tube of deliciousness. Work on that.
  • believes that the problem with being punctual is that there is rarely anyone there to appreciate it.
  • I will find out why the correspondence course on “Mail Fraud” that I purchased never showed up.
  • You know your job is shit when the parking meter outside where you work makes more per hour than you do.
  • ٩•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶ 
  • Cut here —————–✄———————-
  • I hated it when old aunts came up to me after weddings and said „you are next”. They stopped that when I did began to do the same to them after funerals.
  • I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness

  • ¿ǝʍ ǝɹɐ pǝƃuǝןןɐɥɔ-ǝןƃooƃ ˙˙˙ʇxǝʇ uʍop ǝpısdn ʎq ǝɹɐ ǝןdoǝd pǝssǝɹdɯı ʍoɥ ʎuunɟ s,ʇı sʞuıɥʇ
  • Just bought a new warddrobe from focus, looked at the box and was surprised to find it said ” Self Assembly „….. I’ve been sat here now for three fu*k*ng hours and yet it still hasnt put itself together
  • Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough.
  • I have a friend whose status says ‘suicidal standing on edge of cliff’. I poked him.
  • Is proud of himself, he finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
  • ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
  • Does performing oral sex on women provide a good source of Omega3?
  • . ̿̿̿ ̿’ ̿’̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿ this is a stick-up… give me ALL yo [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]!
  • Isn’t going to take life seriously… Nobody gets out alive anyway.
  • a clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
  • Bought a new stick of deodorant today. Instructions said: „Remove cap and push up bottom” … I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely

  • If you smacked a kid in the face with a bottle of Johnson’s No More Tears, would it create beautiful irony?
  • Is beating her current record for number of consecutive days alive.
  • Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
  • ► PlayTheMoments ▌▌ PauseTheMemories ■ StopThePain ◄◄ RewindTheHappiness.
  • Just changed the name of my iPod to „the titanic” so whenever i plug it in to my computer it says „the titanic is syncing”
  • Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
  • „Had a super busy day today converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.”
  • I Liked your Status and now 25 notifications later……..I’m hating me for Liking your status!
  • Is wondering if you can grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars?
  • is coloring on your wall! ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>
  • Build a man a fire and he is warm for a day. Set him on fire, and he is warm for the rest of his life.
  • –^v–^v–^v–^v-_____^v–^v–^v– For a second there, I was bored to death.

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